So….. I’m scared; of lots of things, spiders, dying alone, American politicians… you get the gist. But I notice in conversations with the people who come into the gallery, just how many people would love to be able to draw but are convinced they can’t or are too scared to try. What’s the worst that can happen?
I have seen the worst and experienced it myself in the form of breaking down and dissolving into tears, flouncing out of the class, (not me!) fits of anger or plain old beating myself up for being rubbish. It’s ugly to watch and experience but if you really want to learn, you come back for more and do battle with you crushed ego time after time. I’m sure there are people doing art degrees or on creative courses all over the world battering themselves senseless for not being better at drawing. Of course, not everyone experiences drawing this way. I do and I think it takes enormous courage to learn and practice a new skill if you feel this way.
What stops us is fear. We are frightened of the painful feelings of not being good enough. We become vulnerable when we sit down to draw. Making art is a risk we take and I experience it as a mirror. If you don’t feel great about yourself to begin with it’s going to be tough ride. It’s as if drawing was designed to trigger these very emotions connected to self worth. I can’t think of any activity which triggers it better.
So I’m thinking about this and wondering what it would have been like to have had a class where my vulnerability and potential for fear, shame, self doubt and deep frustration had a place and some acknowledgment in the classroom.
All that sounds quite woolly knickered cod psychology and maybe it is. It doesn’t matter as long as we find a way to step over the fear and do the thing in front of us.
So that’s what I hope to offer; a way to step over the fear or make it welcome, so that we can make marks, learn some new skills and walk away with our egos intact.
It’s just 2.5 hours on a Sunday morning and if this first session goes well, perhaps there will be more.
Jacqueline Byrne Art 